South of Heaven

Ugly is all it seems. How much more can I abhor the self? How much more can I stay afraid?

What made You think I could live? What made You think I could earn my strength being handicapped? What made You think I could go on a wild goose chase looking for self worth and not be tired? What made You think I would not give up?

I give up, You hear? I give up! I get tired. If I do not get something looking for it repeatedly, I give up. Call me weak. Be disappointed in me. But recognise there are weak beings. There are the ones who lag behind. Recognise and help. Help, no? I need some.

I have no more skin left to sratch and pull out, to look for that rock You chose to hide under all the mush. You should have known better and made me a tortoise. I could have hid inside a shell each time it rained. I could have hid inside a shell each time they kicked. I could have hurt them.

Who advises You on strategy? Fire him, he's an idiot. He doesn't know what to make of his responsibility. You do not have an efficient personnel department.

You are a failure, You hear me? You kick started this series and put me at the centre of it all to be fired at. A dummy target. You should not have breathed life into this dummy.

I did NOT fail. I took it all just as it had been planned. You, oh Almighty should not hide behind my soulless mass of flesh and blood...and life, and shove your impotency on mine. You must not be scared. You are stronger.

"Wish I was too dead to cry
My self affliction fades
Stones to throw at my Creator
Masochists to which I cater ....
...You don't need to bother
I don't need to be
I'll keep slipping farther
But once I hold on
I won't let go till it bleeds..."
(From Stonesour's Bother)


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All things lifeless and Biprorshee